HEART BONES: The Evolution of a Spew

HEART BONES
The Evolution of a Spew

JENNIFER BIRKETT


dPress 2006 Sebastopol
20 pp hand sewn

Cover design by S. Mutt



HEART BONES
         for Jeff & Randy


My pink body craves air
and food and love & friends who care
Where is our home really?
Why don't I remember my first breath?
Will I be present for my last gasp?

Meantime, we laugh and we cry
and we die very soon

This beautiful blue world
with sun, clouds & moon
We depend utterly on each other

Jeff / too thin now
comforting us all
Singing together yesterday -
"the goose drank wine, the monkey chewed tobacco
on the street car line. The line broke
the monkey choked.
And they all went to heaven in a little row boat.
Clap Clap." Then they all come back.

Jeff said, "I was a medic in Guam. Delivered 465 babies.
Baby and mother feed together.
There is a last exchange of blood after birth while
they are still connected thru placenta.
Don't severe the placenta until it stops pulsing."


Where do we come from? Where do we go?
A thin wailing from the other world
turns me inside out. Hands over ears.
Don't go there. Or do.
Sickness. Death. Another chance to wake up.

Jeff. Difficult for me to sleep because
I might miss something.
I love being alive. Playing solitaire. Watching sunrise and TV.
Cooking Bobby Flay steaks on BBQ served with cilantro lime dressing
And knowing Randy is happy.


I love you so much when I remember to breath
We go into a scene, or coma, into coffin or ashes in a box,
Broom sweeps tomb or a room.
Orange poppies all over the place
Whirled by all things
Sometimes I cry.
Knock over some idols / dust them off.
Fear of not knowing. Is finality final?
My fingers. How do these work?

Randy writes me - Jeff came home from the hospital today
THANK GOD.Will be nice to snuggle tonight
without interruption from the Night Nurse.

Find energy in my crotch & heart bones
And push from that.
Temple bell rings
Rise from sitting still.

Go visit Jeff and Randy. My joy boys
Why go any place else?
They keep me straight.
Come on Jen
Hearts don't have bones.



Heart Bones


1

Breath goes in & out.
Hiding inside a big pink cavern wondering
Where is our home really?
Why don't i remember first breath?
Will I be present for last breath?


2

Lungs, liver, heart, stomach, brain
Organs & Music.
Heart of mind sings of
love love kiss fuck suck
longing to meet that sing.
of bees tucking furry black bums into tiny flowers.
sucking out nectar.

Enter world thru womb.
Pick pick away at uterine wall
Pull out a baby bomb
Giggle and coo

This blue world with sky like a cage
Has Buddha bhumi bounce
Why go any place else?
We laugh and we cry
And we die very soon
There is a moon in the sky
Clouds come and go


3

Mother's cry when we go away
Grief so deep. Don't go there. Or do.
When someone we love
Goes away
Into coffin, cremation or into
Someone else's arms
Broom sweeps tomb Orange poppies all over the place
I love you so much
When I remember to breath


5

Moment of death / five doors appear.
gasping for breath/ then erased from this world.
the goose was drunk / the monkey choked
They all went to heaven in a little row boat
Merged with source of myriad things
that words can never touch.
Clap Clap. They all come back.
Hello again
Cyclic existence.

We depend utterly on each other.
Things arise, play around / then fall away.
Where do we come from? Where do we go?
A thin wail from other world inside this one
turns me inside out.
hands over ears ... do not hear.
Death. Another chance to wake up.


6

Meanwhile, some monks sit still
Breath goes in and out. Shoulders rise and fall.
Heart clenches then relaxes. Shakti put put.
So much depends on bodhicitta - feeling wellbeing for all beings.
Temple bell rings and then is quiet.
Rain falls anyway. Horny rain makes weeds grow.


7

Yogini life. / whole world as our cave and temple
whirled by all things and phenomena
full of empty
Knock over some idols / dust them off / set them up again..
Native earth / Stones. Rocks. / hold secrets. Show secrets.


8

Notion of impermanence petrifies people. We will perish.
"Bring me the rhinoceros fan," says the Zen teacher.
of the unknown. Is finality final?
Our fingers. How do these work?

Shred ourselves thru the needle hole of space —
Don't really know who are the weavers?
we go thru life diving into the fabric
and diving out
one stitch at a time.

Can't go beyond body breathing
have to find energy center in my crotch & heart bones
and push from that.


9

Alpha bird dinosaur. Fossil fuel. War in Iraq. Black gold.
And where are the wheel barrows?
Red states bleeding and blue states holding breath - Afraid.
White chickens still deliver eggs for breakfast.
Too much rain falls in New Orleans.
Washes away blues and jazzGulf of Mexico.
Meanwhile, Immigrants not supposed to be here, who are here,
push wheelbarrows and collect eggs on California farms —
We depend on them to do that stuff —
Beings are everywhere. Fucking. Eating. Buying Dying



HOW MUCH ECHO IS THERE


Pick pick pick away
at something.
Pick away at the uterine wall.

I love you so much
when I remember to breath.
I pull out a bomb.

Baby. Bomb.
Soon to tomb.
Boom.

So much depends
on the womb, bomb, tomb.
Dial zero for interdependence.

.

The cloudy world. White.
Wish fulfilling cows
addicted to eating grass.

He pulled my hair.
Hard. It hurt.
I shrunk away.

Fee fi fo fum.
I smell smoke.
Blue world.

Triangle shaped heads.
Wish fulfilling trees.
Sky like a cage.

Enter this world thru womb.
Mother love. Breast suck.
Pride. Phat!

.

Red world. Eat cows.
Flesh milk. Harvest.
Now, now, now.

Green world. Long life.
Unpleasant sounds.
Don't go there. Or do.

This world. Has teachings.
Buddha bhumi bounce bodhisattvas.
Why go any place else?

Why here?
Fear. Frozen.
We die very soon.

.

There is a moon in the sky.
Clouds come and go.
World with unpleasant sounds.

Wolves.
Ginsberg wrote HOWL
after his mother died.

Max told me that today at the Zen pen,
men marry after their mother's die.
What is that about? he asks me.

.

Our blue world.
Land of demons.
Land of people.

Five organs—
lungs, liver, heart, stomach, kidneys, spleen, brain.
Hey, that is more that five organs.

Organs. Music.
Heart of mind sings of the cage of the love.
Love love kiss fuck suck.

Longing to meet lungs.
Sing. There is spring here.
and summer.

.

Bees
tuck their furry bums into tiny flowers.
sucking out nectar.

Medicine—wine—offer—
for attachment.
Attached to mints.

Bad breath from things

I shouldn't be doing.
Oh well, I do this anyway.
Surrender.

To this I cannot control.
Discipline.
Surrender and discipline.

This is not a bondage activity.
Blessings happen anyway.
And blisters.

.

Death meditation.
Moment of death—
then five doors appear.

The bright door.
Like a game show!
Why are we scared of light?

When I exited my body
there was this intense light.
Didn't know where to go

Or what to do.
My guide said go into the light.
A form appeared.

I started to cry.
Said, it is my teacher.
Who is it? he asked.

It is me.
Only one person here on this planet.
But soooo many bodies.

.

We must cultivate love and gratefulness
always.

All ways.



         Notated by Richard Denner



SPEW WITH A VIEW


I

     how much echo is there when we write
something? i love you so much when I             
remember to breathe pick pick pick away at                    
            something pick away at the uterine wall i pull
out a bomb baby. bomb. soon to tomb. boom.        
                             gosh, i always go back writing in that way. So
much depends on the womb, bomb, tomb.                       
                                   dialectic. Dial zero for interdependence. The
cloudy world. White. Wish fulfilling Cows.   
addicted to eating grass. World with unpleasant                
                       sounds. He pulled my hair. Hard. It hurt. I
               shrunk away. fee fi fo fum. i smell smoke.
            Blue world. triangle shaped heads. Wish fulfilling
                              trees. Fruit. Good things. Sky like a cage. Enter
                                         this world thru womb. mother love. breast suck.
Hard. pride. phat! red world. Eat cows. Many.  
addicted to cows. flesh. milk. harvest. now now     
             now green world. long life. Unpleasant sounds.
                      Don't go there. Or do. This world. Has
teachings. Buddha. bhumi bounce bodhisattvas.             
          why go any place else? why here? fear frozen
                          we die very soon there is a moon in the sky
clouds come and go wolves Ginsberg wrote 
                                                 HOWL after his mother died. Max told me that
           today at the zen pen men marry after their
mother's die. what is that about? he asks me.
                       Our blue world. land of demons. land of people.
                          five organs - lungs, liver, heart, stomach,
kidneys, spleen, brain - hey, that is more that              
       five organs. Organs. Music. heart of mind sings
                                                    of the cage of the love love love kiss fuck suck
                         longing to meet lungs. sing. there is spring here.
                                    and summer. bees tuck their furry bums into
           tiny flowers. sucking out nectar. medicine -
wine - offer- for attachment.attached to mints        
                                   bad breath from things i shouldn't be doing oh
well. i do this anyway surrender. To this I    
            cannot control. Discipline. Surrender and
                            discipline. this is not a bondage activity
                   blessings happen anyway And blisters............


II

Death meditation. moment of death                       
             then five
                                                                 doors appear. The bright door.
It's like a game show!!  
                                   Why are we scared of light? when I
                                                                                        exited body there was this
                                                        intense light didn't
                                                         know where to go or what to do. My guide /
                                                                                                facilitator said - go into the
                                        light.
                              And when i
                                             went into the light a form appeared - i started to
                                                                                         cry, said, it is my teacher.
                       Who is it? he asked.
                      It is me. Only one person here on this planet.
                                                               But soooo many bodies. We must cultivate love
                                                and gratefulness always.
                                             All ways.



                                                                                       Notated by Richard Denner



SPEW


how much echo is there
when we write something?
i love you so much
when i remember to breath
pick pick pick away
at something
pick away
at the uterine wall
i pull out a bomb
baby. bomb.
soon to tomb.
boom.
gosh, i always go back writing in that way.
so much depends
on the womb, bomb, tomb.
dialectic.
Dial zero for interdependence.
the cloudy world. White.
Wish fulfilling
Cows.
addicted to eating grass.
World with unpleasant sounds.
He pulled my hair.
Hard.
It hurt.
I shrunk away.
fee fi fo fum.
I smell smoke.
Blue world.
triangle shaped heads. Wish fulfilling trees. Fruit. Good things.
Sky like a cage.
enter this world thru womb.
mother love. breast suck. Hard.
pride. phat!
red world. Eat cows. Many.
addicted to cows. flesh. milk. harvest.
now now now
green world. long life. Unpleasant sounds.
Don't go there. Or do.
This world. Has teachings. Buddha. bhumi bounce
bodhisattvas.
why go any place else?
why here?
fear
frozen
we die very soon
there is a moon
in the sky
clouds come and go
wolfs
Ginsberg wrote HOWL after his mother died.
Max told me that today
at the zen pen
men marry after their mother's die.
what is that about?
he asks me
Our blue world.
land of demons. land of people.
five organs - lungs, liver, heart, stomach, kidneys, spleen, brain
hey, that is more that five organs.
Organs. Music. heart of mind sings
of the cage
of the love
love love
kiss fuck suck
longing to meet
lungs.
sing.
there is spring here. and summer.
bees
tuck their furry bums into tiny flowers.
sucking out nectar.
medicine - wine - offer- for attachment.attached to mints
bad breath from things
i shouldn't be doing
oh well. I do this anyway
surrender. To this i cannot control. Discipline.
Surrender and discipline.
this is not a bondage activity
blessings happen anyway
And blisters............
death meditation. moment of death then five doors appear.
The bright door.
It's like a game show!!
Why are we scared of light?
when i exited body there was this intense light
didn't know where to go or what to do.
My guide / facilitator said - go into the light.
And when i went into the light a
form appeared - i started to cry, said, it is my teacher.
Who is it? he asked. It is me.
Only one person here on this planet. But soooo many bodies.
We must cultivate love and gratefulness always.
All ways.